Next to Carole on the flight over was a large man whose volume seemed slightly more than the seat designed to contain him. Well, to be a bit more blunt: his girth spilled into Carole’s personal airspace. I realize this may not be within your purview. Still, I want you to know the crowded mindset that we’re bringing to the Occidental.
Oh, and he spoke—mostly too loudly—on what may or may not have been actual cell phone calls. That was at the airport in Charlotte, where the man at the gate took one look at Carole’s French passport and said, “You have to open to the picture page,” as he looked away, not to other official airport business, just away from someone carrying a French passport.
You have to open to the picture page.
We bring such mantras to your resort.
On the flight to Cancun’s airport, our flight attendant was friendly in a fairly frightening way. First, he told me I couldn’t keep Max in the papoose during takeoff or landing, and when Carole asked why he started talking about the odds of child vs. adult survival in the event of a crash. Then he told us about seeing a tarantula yay-big—here he made an oval wide as a manhole cover—in a parking lot in Xcaret. And he made much of spotting this tarantula in a common parking lot—made it sound, really, like a Kmart parking lot in Peoria—and not in the exotic, mysterious jungle, where tarantulas belong.
And oh, he said, there are scorpions.
Then, as he started to slouch down the aisle to catch up to the drink cart, his lips mysteriously managed to arc back to my ear, and they stage-whispered, “But what’s worst are the mosquitoes.”
I realize USAir flight attendants are probably not within your sphere of influence. Still, maybe your people could speak to their people and ask them to tone down the fear-mongering. We think it might be better for business.